Wedding Jokes

Custody of the Child

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their child posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children. The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied, "Judge, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

7 year old getting married

Little Bobby (seven) was in love with Little Susie (same age) who lived next door.
One day, Bobby went to Susie's dad and announced (as seriously as he could), "I'm in love with Susie, and we're getting married".
Amused, Susie's dad started asking questions (in the hopes to discourage the idea).
Susie' dad: "Where will you live?"
Bobby: "Well, Susie has a playhouse in the back yard, so we're gonna live there."
Susie's dad: "How are you going to make money to support her?"
Bobby: "Well, Susie gets 75 cents a week, and I get $1.25 a week." "That should be more than enough!"
Seeing that Bobby was still serious, Susie's dad asked, "Well, what about children?"
Bobby perked up and quickly answered, "Oh, we have that figured out already. Whenever Susie lays an egg, I'm gonna stomp on it!"

Ten Husbands

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin. "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times? "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... God, I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the husband, "but, why?" "Duh; you're a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"

Anniversary

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is.""Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office.At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped , two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived.Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home . "First the flowers then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful 'Arbor Day' in all my life!"