Wedding Jokes

Custody of the Child

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their child posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children. The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied, "Judge, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

7 year old getting married

Little Bobby (seven) was in love with Little Susie (same age) who lived next door.
One day, Bobby went to Susie's dad and announced (as seriously as he could), "I'm in love with Susie, and we're getting married".
Amused, Susie's dad started asking questions (in the hopes to discourage the idea).
Susie' dad: "Where will you live?"
Bobby: "Well, Susie has a playhouse in the back yard, so we're gonna live there."
Susie's dad: "How are you going to make money to support her?"
Bobby: "Well, Susie gets 75 cents a week, and I get $1.25 a week." "That should be more than enough!"
Seeing that Bobby was still serious, Susie's dad asked, "Well, what about children?"
Bobby perked up and quickly answered, "Oh, we have that figured out already. Whenever Susie lays an egg, I'm gonna stomp on it!"

Ten Husbands

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin. "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times? "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... God, I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the husband, "but, why?" "Duh; you're a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"

Anniversary

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is.""Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office.At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped , two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived.Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home . "First the flowers then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful 'Arbor Day' in all my life!"

Todays Cartoons

ZIPPY

Funny Cartoon - Computer Technology

Teamwork / Employee Relations / Coworkers

Time Management

Funny Sms Jokes

☻20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand

☻A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.

☻Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!

☻At this moment i have a déjà vu and a loss of memory at the same time. I thin I have forgotten this before.

☻Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!

☻Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.

☻BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again!

☻Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly!!

☻Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your mobile....still searching.......no brains found.

☻Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all! .

☻Do not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . .

☻Don't feel sad, don't feel glue, Einstein was ugly too !

☻E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that she does not need.

☻Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.

☻For you I would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here ?"

☻God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!

☻God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : ‘I hope she will make herself up’!

☻HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!

☻Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.

☻Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world..

☻How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?

☻I am a killer,I kill people for money.....But because you are my friend,I'll kill you for nothing!

☻I am not stupid, I am blond!!! B - L - O - N - T

☻I am not your type ... I am not inflatable.

☻I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids...

☻I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really
perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!

Betty Veronica .. contiuned .. Pages 6 to 9

Calvin and Hobbes - Breakaway

Todays Cartoon - Calvin and Hobbes

CALVIN AND HOBBES

click the picture for big reading experience..

Betty Veronica - Double Digest - #151 1-5

Click the images to get big view reading.... to be continued.......

Three Charles Schulz "Peanuts" strips sell for $89,275

Philip Weiss Auctions proved once again it is the center of the auction universe when it comes to original Charles Schulz comic strip art.

Three strips – two dailies and a Sunday – sold for a combined $89, 275 at a multi-estate sale held the weekend of September 8-9 in Oceanside, New York, on Long Island

Music hall named after 'Peanuts' character

A new music building planned at California's Sonoma State University will be named "Schroeder Recital Hall" after the piano-playing "Peanuts" character.

The name was chosen to honor a donation from Jean Schulz, the widow of the "Peanuts" comic strip creator Charles Schulz, The San Francisco Chronicle said Wednesday.

Construction on the three-building Donald and Maureen Green Music Center -- which is modeled after the home of the Boston Symphony Orchestra in western Massachusetts -- is about half complete.

Almost $10 million has been pledged so far in the campaign, but the goal is to raise at least $22.5 million in donations toward the $100 million project in Rohnert Park.

University officials said an unspecified chunk of the $10 million came from Jean Schulz.

She and her husband lived in nearby Santa Rosa for more than 30 years

Todays Cartoon - Calvin and Hobbes

CALVIN AND HOBBES

Todays Cartoon - Calvin and Hobbes - Hand Drawn

CALVIN AND HOBBES

Note : Click the image for greater reading experience..

This Months Best E-Comics Downloads. - PART -1

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA 09

LINK :http://rapidshare.com/files/31715129/Justice_League_of_America_09__2007___CamelotScans-DCP_.cbr

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BATMAN 665

Link :- http://rapidshare.com/files/31721560/Batman_665_-_Grant_Morrison_-_Andy_Kubert__2007___Fixed___RIP-ODB_.cbz

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LEGION OF SUPERHEROES IN THE 31ST CENTURY 02

Link : -http://rapidshare.com/files/31879301/Legion_of_Super-Heroes_in_the_31st_Century_02__2007___greengiant-DCP_.cbr

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CITY OF HEROES 19

http://rapidshare.com/files/31920972/City_of_Heroes_V2_19__2007___Random-DCP_.cbr

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BETTY AND VERONICA DOUBLE DIGEST 151

http://rapidshare.com/files/31936908/Betty___Veronica_Double_Digest_151__2007___First_Story_Only__metaldave-DCP_.cbr

NOTE: TO read the downloaded comics please download an simle software "CD Display" from the below link :- http://www.geocities.com/davidayton/CDisplay.html

Soup to Nutz by Rick Stromoski

The Only Comic Based Game - XIII

XIII (pronounced: Thirteen) is a first-person shooter video game released for PlayStation 2, GameCube, Xbox, Mac and the PC, and based on the Belgian XIII comic series. XIII was developed and published by Ubisoft and released on November 25, 2003. The game was published for Mac OS X by Feral Interactive. The PC DVD-ROM version has recently been re-released in the UK under the Sold-Out Software budget games label.

The plot of the game centres on the main character, who has awakened with amnesia. XIII is unique in that the characters and weaponry are cel-shaded, giving a deliberately comic book style appearance, including onomatopoeic words contained in bubbles for sound effects.
The story begins at Brighton Beach in Brooklyn, New York City where XIII awakes, badly wounded and with no memory of his past. The game roughly follows the storyline of the first five volumes of the comic (the first fifteen issues), although there are several additions to the storyline, and changes were made to better adapt the story to game format. The game ends at the exact point where the comic's fifth volume ended, and as such, the complete story is unfinished, leaving room for a sequel. Sales performance for XIII has been lower than expected, despite its positive reception (Game Rankings: 74%). As such, a sequel is unlikely, and no announcements have been made.

Characters

"XIII": The story's protagonist, and the main playable character. It is originally believed that his name is Steve Rowland, but later in the game, it is revealed that he is in fact Rowland's rival Jason Fly. XIII wakes up on a beach in New York City with a mysterious tattoo of the Roman numeral for thirteen on his shoulder. XIII learns that he is being targeted by a hitman called The Mongoose and his army of mercenaries. He is also wanted by the FBI for the murder of the President of the United States, William Sheridan. Throughout the game, XIII struggles to uncover his true identity and a conspiracy plot involving a group known as The XX.
Jones: Jones is a soldier who works for General Carrington. She knows that XIII is not guilty of the President's murder and is willing to help clear his name. Jones is tough, courageous, and pretty good at handling The Mongoose's thugs. She is the inspiration for XIII, and helps him escape FBI clutches.

Carrington: An old war veteran, Ben Carrington is another one of XIII's few allies. He knows very valuable information about the President's death and is willing to help XIII. However, he was arrested and brought to a military station in the Appalachian mountains to be silenced by the conspiracy. XIII must infiltrate the base and free Carrington if he is to learn about his past.
The Mongoose: An infamous hitman hired by The XX to carry out assassinations and other evil deeds. The Mongoose is a cruel and cold-blooded murderer who carries out his orders with eagerness and glee. He commands an army of hitmen to do some of his dirty work. XIII encounters The Mongoose many times and must eventually face off against him near the game's end.

Walter Sheridan: The brother of the recently deceased president, William Sheridan. Walter promised that he would finish the work that his brother had started. Walter helps XIII try to stop The XX's scheme near the game's end. It is later implied in the game's cliffhanger ending that Sheridan is actually the head of the conspiracy.
Colonel Amos: A wise and old man. Colonel Amos is in charge of the investigation into the President's death. Amos believes that XIII is guilty and attempts to hunt him down and bring him to justice. XIII must prove his innocence to Amos in order to gain his trust.

Kim Rowland: The wife of the deceased Steve Rowland. Kim and her husband were both members of the conspiracy. Kim was Number XVII and Steve was Number XIII. But now that XIII has returned, despite claims that he was shot by The Mongoose, Kim believes that her husband is still alive and tries to explain to XIII the mystery surrounding his identity.

William Standwell: An American general with a fiery temper. Standwell was appointed Chief of Staff and had replaced General Carrington. Standwell has mysterious and shady ties to The XX.
Seymour MacCall: A gruff and old colonel who operates an army base in Mexico. He is Standwell's right hand man and always takes orders from him. He is also suspected of being involved with The XX. He is often referred to as 'pin-head' by the petty officers XIII encounters through the game.

Red prophet and the Tales of Alvin maker- continued

RED PROPEHT - TALES OF ALVIN MAKER - READ ONLINE - DIRECT

Please click the images for greater viewing and reading exp. . To be contiuned....

Top 10 Comic Book Movies

From superheros to super-geeks, we recall the best comic book/strip films ever made

Though immensely popular through decades, the comic book/strip has not been adaptive fodder for cinema's finest films. In the world of movies, there's been a less-than-serious look at the pulpy art form. But as comic geeks age into our new century, there's a heightened respect for the artistry and layered themes in the characters of Marvel, DC, Manga (Japanese comic books which deserve their own list of best films) and more independent graphic novelists.

With that, the comic book has been crawling out of geekdom with the full acceptance of critics and audiences alike. Hence, the big star treatment of Tobey Maguire in the red suit as "Spider-man," the finale of the "Blade" trilogy with "Blade: Trinity," and Halle Berry in this summer's "Catwoman." Meanwhile, director Brett Ratner searches for his Clark Kent. And with the nonstop talk of new projects, there are even more comics in the pipeline.
So, as we wait for more superheroes slugging out bad guys, we re-visit some of the best comic book/strip movies ever made. It's a tough task, but someone's got to do it:

10. "Flash Gordon" (1980)The ultra-campy "Flash Gordon" remains terrible fun. Sure, it's partially the reason comic-book films weren't taken very seriously, but then what other film has a fantastic score by Queen? Made with an insane amount of color and detail, the film is a bizarre delight (disco planets, freaky trees and a green egg are just some high points).

The plot? Flash Gordon must fight the evil of Ming the Merciless (yep, that's Max von Sydow) while getting the girl (a gorgeous Melody Anderson) and saving the universe. Check your brain and enjoy the show.

9. "Dick Tracy" (1990)Warren Beatty (as producer, director and star) adapted Chester Gould's popular comic strip into this beautiful film with a primary palette shot in only seven colors. The cast is as impressively eye-popping, including Dustin Hoffman as Mumbles and Al Pacino as an inspired Big Boy Caprice. Remarkably, Madonna was also decent as Breathless Mahoney singing the lovely Stephen Sondheim Oscar-winning tune, "Sooner or Later"

8. "Popeye" (1980)You have to be a special kind of person to love Robert Altman's "Popeye." Maligned by too many as silly, this cartoonish musical looks exactly like E.C. Segar's comic strip, with Robin Williams and Shelley Duvall perfectly embodying Popeye and Olive Oyl, respectively (Duvall was born to play the string bean). And kudos to Paul Thomas Anderson who, 22 years later, honored "Popeye" by using the Harry Nilsson-penned ode "He Needs Me" (sung by Duvall) to punctuate the eccentricity of his romantic "Punch-Drunk Love.

"7. "Superman: The Movie" (1978)Though many argue the second version of the DC Comic legend is better, Richard Donner's first "Superman" -- despite some dorky moments -- is a solid piece of Americana. Christopher Reeve remains the perfect Superman, Margot Kidder is Lois Lane, the always glorious Gene Hackman has a blast as Lex Luthor, and, in a short scene that suggests Superman may not be as clean-cut as he appears, Marlon Brando shows up as his father.

6. "X-Men" (2000)A movie led by a group of mutants (OK, highly evolved mutants) had fans of the comic worried: What's Wolverine going to look like, for example? As it turned out, like a well suited though hairier Hugh Jackman. Less tongue-in-cheek than many comic films, "X-Men" was introspective and serious, even tackling the Holocaust as back-story for Ian McKellen's deeply pessimistic mutant Magneto. A stirring cast and intriguing story showed that with action and amusement, the comic could be taken seriously.

5. "Blade II" (2002)The lesser-known Marvel comic hero -- who is half man, half vampire -- Blade (Wesley Snipes) became something of a cult movie, with legions of fans arguing over which Blade (I or II) is superior. Mexican director and comic-book freak Guillermo del Toro offers a more inspired, gorier and horrifying vision (check out the disgusting "Reaper" vampires that drink both human and vampire blood insatiably). Splendidly made and somehow more personal, del Toro got things right ... and threw a lot of blood around in the process. More directors should follow his R-rated lead in making some of these films for adults.

4. "Barbarella" (1968)Unless you're talking to a die-hard feminist, it's hard to find someone who doesn't enjoy "Barbarella." Roger Vadim directed his then-wife Jane Fonda as French comic-strip artist Jean-Claude Forest's sci-fi nymphet who wears skimpy, '60s space-age get-ups and, in the most memorable sequence, insatiably breaks the Orgasmatron. Psychedelic, campy and just plain sexy, this is required viewing for every horny nerd out there ... and it's a lot more fun than "Austin Powers.

"3. "Batman Returns" (1992)Director Tim Burton surpasses his original "Batman;" this one had Michael Keaton reprising his role as the caped crusader, working against Danny De Vito as the demented yet touching Penguin and a torn Michelle Pfeiffer smoldering as Catwoman. Gorgeously shot, with creative sets and an even darker conception, this brooding, atmospheric work captured the true spirit of the Batman graphic novels.

2. "Spider-Man" (2002)Tobey Maguire and Willem Dafoe carrying a super-hero movie? For Sam Raimi's "Spider-Man," it worked. Sticking to creator Stan Lee's roots, Raimi kept Spidey a nerd by actually casting a believable young man and gave his arch-nemisis the Green Goblin a tortured sympathy. Terrific action sequences, romantic, poignant and fun -- "Spider-Man" was a blockbuster with a soul.

1. "Ghost World" (2001)Terry Zwigoff (who also directed "Crumb," the genius documentary about controversial comic-book artist Robert Crumb) filmed Daniel Clowes' graphic novel as comic-book panels coming to life. With Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson as oddly likable, cantankerous teenagers and Steve Buscemi at his most touching, this is acerbic hilarity along with pain. It is a film that actually gets the humor, sadness, gross pop culture and drudgery that life slings at us ... and at their best, comics too.

GARFIELD

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SUNDAY WITH HEATHCLIFF

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Artist wins global comics contest

Artist Dominic Vivona's been taking a lot of calls lately.
"I'm not always sure who I'm talking to," the Lancaster resident said. "But it's a lot of dot-com people. It's kind of hard to keep track."

The interviews usually start out with congratulations, since Vivona and writer Jorge Vega won the Platinum Studios 2007 Comic Book Challenge for their entry, "Gunplay."
"It's surreal," Vivona said. "I'm not even sure the reality of all this has hit me yet."
For the uninitiated, winning the Platinum Studios Comic Book Challenge is a big deal — comparable to a performer winning "American Idol."
Both Vivona and Vega won some nifty prizes, but, most importantly, they will have their work published and possibly developed for multiple forms of media, including film and television.
"The first 'Gunplay' should be released in March," Vivona said. "We're aiming for the comic to make its first appearance at the Wizard World convention in Los Angeles, where we hope to make a splash."

"Gunplay" is a supernatural Western set in 1870, focusing on the character Abner Meeks, a Buffalo soldier in possession of a cursed gun.
Whoever carries the gun must use it to take a life every day or be subjected to agonizing pain. Meeks roams the West, grappling with this harrowing burden, eventually saddling up with a young orphan who Vivona once described as Meeks' "moral compass."
Vega's dark tale (with its "Tales From the Darkside" meets "High Plains Drifter" kind of feel) had a definite edge against the competition, who tended to focus on the more traditional masked avengers, both satirical and serious.
For Vivona's part, the sepia-toned art is rustic and strangely romantic, vividly evoking the gritty American West of the 1800s.

The Comic Book Challenge began in May when submissions opened and entries from 22 countries flooded in. The competition was whittled down to 50 entries, then 10.
After making the Top 10 in the contest, Vega flew to San Diego to pitch the comic to a contest panel that included "Shrek" producer John H. Williams, "Scrubs" actor Donald Faison and Scott Mitchell Rosenberg, chairman of Platinum Studios.

According to Vivona, the pitch session may have been the easy part.
"Well, we want the first 'Gunplay' to be great, and I'm a little nervous about it, of course," the 30-year-old said. "But I'm keeping to a work schedule and hoping to produce 22 pages a month. Jeff McComsey will also be part of the team as the colorist for the comic."
Vega once referred to Vivona in an interview as "one of the best-kept secrets in comics right now." But maybe he won't be a secret for long.

On Friday, he was on his way to a comic convention in Baltimore, but said he didn't expect to be flooded with attention.
"Once 'Gunplay' is out, that'll be great," Vivona said. "To have that under my belt will make a difference, I think."
Vivona met Vega in April at the Pittsburgh Comic Con through a mutual friend and collaborator, L. Jamal Walton.
The two kept in touch and began working together in a long-distance partnership, with Vivona here in Lancaster and Vega in Brockton, Mass., where he also works as an IT manager and teacher.

The comic book challenge unfolded on AT&T's Blue Room (http://www.attblueroom.com/), an online entertainment hub, where fans were asked to vote for their favorite writer/artist team, casting online ballots during two separate rounds.
Several million votes were cast.

Despite the impressive victory, Vivona, a self-taught artist who is originally from upstate New York, said he hasn't officially celebrated yet.
"No, I haven't gotten around to it yet, with all this work to do," he said. "But I'm thinking of making some kind of impulse purchase — that could be fun, too."